I'd Rather Not Live Without You
by Serene-Moon-Princess
Summary: .'Even though I was one small step away from having what I wanted, I would never reach it. I could never get it.' Seyia looks back explaining his love for his one and only. The one and only he can never have. Xx Second and final chapter is up! xX
1. I Would Die For You

**A/N: This is just a little something that came up. It's probably not the best thing ever, but I felt like writing something. (Although I should be working on my other story). I've been suffering from a little bit of writer's block lately, and I needed to write something. So, I hope you enjoy this.**

**Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own Sailor Moon or any of its characters.**

**I'd Rather Not Live Without You**

**Chapter 1: I Would Die for You**

Here I was: famous, rich, and still able to have a, somewhat, normal life. I was popular, more popular than any other person in Japan, and I was extremely talented in every sport that you could shake a stick at. Then there was the other me, a sailor soldier. I protected a beautiful princess, I had wonderful friends, who were also my fellow sailor soldiers, and my life would probably seem perfect to the normal, everyday person. Sadly, that was a mistake that even I made, and now, I was paying for it.

Life wasn't perfect. It was no where near perfect. Even though I was one small step away from having what I wanted, I would never reach it. I could never get it. Life was miserable with out it, and really, there seemed to be no point in actually living on this godforsaken planet. I only wanted one thing. In fact, I would give everything else up if I could only have it…or should I say her.

The girl I wanted made my knees grow numb. My stomach tied in knots, and I always found myself attempting not to grab the goddess up in my arms. She was beautiful and her presence haunted me. Just the thought of her angelic smile brought me to tears. Her existence was slowly killing me, and sadly to say, I brought this heartache upon myself. I was the one who came to her earth, who got lost in her eyes, and came crashing down to her. I finally released my feelings into her, only to find that she had someone else.

Still, I did not stop on my journey to make her my own love. I did everything humanly possible to make her notice me. My closest friends couldn't even stop my love of her. I made it so that I spent as much time as possible with her. She gave me a feeling of hope and relaxation that no one else had ever brought to me, and I could only imagine what it would feel like to have the girl wrapped in my arms, her soft lips pressed against my own.

For a small moment, I though she was finally beginning to give way to me, and I was ecstatic. Finally, the girl I had sought after was finally becoming mine. We fought through Yaten, Taiki, Haruka, Michiru, and then even my own princess, Kakyuu. Things were going well, but then I made the mistake of reminding my goddess of her own love; The man she really loved, and things began to crumble apart slowly at my feet. I attempted one last time to bring her back to me, but it wasn't going to work. She knew that she only wanted her precious prince, and I would be unable to compare. With a heavy heart, I went to kiss her. Her head turned and my lips only landed on her soft cheek. It was then that I returned to my own duty with my own princess.

I no longer cared much about what I had come for, and I made another mistake. My heartbreak lead to my princess' death, and I felt guilty. The guilt that washed over me was like I had never felt before, but still my mind could not get over the goddess that I truly wanted. The remorse of Kakyuu's death only led Yaten and Taiki to a stronger hate towards the one girl I loved. I no longer understood anything about my friends. They were like the enemy, going against my love. They wanted to do things their own way, in spite of our princess' death. I knew who could solve everyone's problem; the girl I loved could conquer through every thing. Did my so-called friends believe me? No, they said my words were only spoken because my eyes were blinded by my infatuation for a girl. It wasn't true. I knew the strong-willed side of my love. Her heart was kind and caring and she only wanted to help others, but that didn't mean she was weak.

When the battle against Galaxia came, I ended up being the correct one. It was the goddess I loved who ended up staying strong until the very end. She pressed on even after everything she loved died before her very eyes, and at that moment I felt worthless. My strength compared no where near to hers. I felt as if I wasn't even worthy enough to have spent time in her presence.

The battle neared its end, and as my love had always believed, no one had to be killed to end the heated war amongst the stars. She saved the twisted heart of Galaxia, and she returned all the beautiful stars of those who had died at the wrath of the evil Galaxia's hands. My goddess' prince returned, and for the first time I met him. My heart felt numb as I watched my love smile at the man she held close to her heart. She smiled a smile that I only had seen, and I knew then that at one time, she had truly loved me.

This should have caused me joy, to know that everything I had done hadn't been completely pointless, but it did not, and it only caused me to have a deeper longing for her. My desire for her grew, and although she had someone special to her, I didn't want to leave her side.

I urged my friends to let me stay on Earth, and my pleading worked. Kakyuu agreed to my selfish desire. Yaten and Taiki stayed with me, also having some hidden secret for some love of Earth.

It was months since we made our decision, and I was still alone in my own vacuous world. Me, Yaten, and Taiki were still singing our hearts out, though I had little reason to. Both of my friends were happy, something I thought would never happen unless they were both back on Kinmoku with Princess Kakyuu. Yaten had actually hooked up with Minako, and Taiki had found a love for Ami. I, on the other hand, still spent restless nights thinking of the girl I didn't have. The girl that was unreachable, but sat beside me in class. The girl who was so close, but so far away.

Then, today, I saw my goddess. Her long golden locks of hair flew through the breeze as she walked with a slight bounce in her step. Her cheeks were a rosy pink, and her lips were curved into a smile. I felt my heart squeeze painfully in my chest as my eyes examined the girl before me. I almost melted when her eyes came in contact with my own.

"Seiya-kun, you don't look very well. Are you feeling alright?" the goddess asked, walking towards me. Her gentle fingers rested upon my forehead and I swallowed hard. "You seem to be running a slight fever. Do you have a cold?" Her voice was filled with worry, and it only made me want to fall to my knees and cry.

I looked into her eyes and fought back the tears that were attempting to fall down my face. "I-I don't think things have been well since I first met you," I said, my emotions taking hold of me. I fell into the girl's arms, crying uncontrollably. She did not turn away in disgust or fear, but she wrapped her arms around me in a comforting hug. Then I heard a man's voice and I only began to cry harder.

"Usako, is everything alright?" Mamoru's voice whispered from behind us.

I decided that I should pull away before Mamoru killed me, so I began to push myself away from the wonderful goddess, Usagi. To my surprise, Usagi's arms only held me tighter to her, and I couldn't get away.

"Seiya, shhhh, right now, it's just me and you. Please, tell me what's going on," Usagi whispered softly into my ear.

I could sense that she already knew what was behind my tears, but I replied to her question anyway. "Usagi, I don't think I can make another day without you," I hoarsely said, my head falling into her shoulder. My hand grasped at the clothing on her shoulder like a small child, and I knew that what I was doing was foolish. I knew she wasn't going to fall in love with me instantaneously, and she never would. I think that was what suddenly made me loose all self control.

Before anyone could say anything, I pressed my lips against my goddess' lips. Her soft lips that I had been yearning to kiss for so long. It felt wonderful, as I had always imagined, but then it dawned on me; Mamoru was standing right behind us. Usagi was still a taken woman. She felt nothing for me.

I quickly removed myself from the embrace we were in and made a mad dash away from where I had just humiliated myself. I would never have Usagi as my own, Mamoru would never let me talk to her again, and I might as well have robbed a bank, because this would be spread everywhere. Reporters were always on the lookout for a good story, and I really didn't feel like dealing with it all.

That was when this crazy idea came into my head. I was going insane, life was miserable, and I had no one else to turn to, so why not end life here? Why not take a turn for the better? I'd rather not live without Usagi, and if I wasn't around, then I wouldn't have to feel so heartbroken all the time. No one wanted to live in constant heartache, so I wouldn't either.

I began to sprint towards my home that I shared with Taiki and Yaten. My hand plunged into my pocket and removed the keys to my home and car. My breathing was heavy and I was shaking as I fumbled with my keys, trying to find the key to the front door. Finally, I found the silver piece of metal and I jammed it into the key hole. I unlocked the door, and ran inside the house, slamming the door shut.

No one was home, so I decided to continue on with my plan. I hastily made my way to the bathroom, and I picked up a pen and paper on my way from the dinning room table. Once inside the bathroom, I began to rummage through the medicine cabinet, throwing bottles and medical supplies all over the room.

Then I found it. The sleeping pills prescribed for me. My hands shakily opened the bottle and I poured out ten or so of the purple pills. I grabbed the small plastic cup that I used to rinse my mouth and filled it with water. I began the process of taking as many pills as I could at one time and began swallowing them down.

Before I lost consciousness, (which I didn't know when that would be, for I had never tried to commit suicide before), I sat down with my pen and paper and began to scribble down a note for Usagi. My letters looked like chicken scratch, but I was shaking so badly that it was hard to hold my pen steady.

Every second that passed by, I began to become more frightened of the death that was bound to take me at any time now. My heart was beating in my chest like mad, and I started to ask myself why I had decided this for myself. I tried to remember the reason I had before I had taken the pills, but my mind was so foggy that I couldn't remember. My eyelids were actually getting pretty heavy, and I wasn't sure if I would stay up much longer. I signed the bottom of my note to Usagi. The last thing I remembered was hoping that Usagi would get my note. I only wanted her to know that I loved her.

After my last thought, I fell to the ground unconscious, my note still grasped in my hand. My words on it were sincere and I wasn't sure she'd get it but someone would, and at least someone would know how I truly felt.

----------

_Usagi,_

_Maybe you'll get this someday. Maybe you'll never see it. Hopefully you do. I only want to tell you that I love you more than life itself, and today I decided that I could no longer live. I'd rather not live without you, and I know I'll never be able to live with you. Living on a world where I must watch you and him happy all the time is just too much for this heart to handle._

_Thanks for all the good memories. I'm sorry I must say goodbye like this. All I'd like to say is, please be happy for me, and maybe we can live together some other time._

_With all my love,_

_Seiya_

**A/N: So, yep, that's the end. It's probably a bunch of crap, but whatever. I feel better because I finally got to write something. This isn't all the great, I just made it up off the top of my head, so yeah. XD Tell me what ya think of it.**

**Serene-Moon-Princess**


	2. I'm Still in Love With You

**A/N: So, this is a little bit deeper into things, slightly anyway. I worked on this for awhile, unlike the first chapter, but I still like the first chapter the most. I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
Please tell me what you think. : )**

**Chapter 2: I'm Still in Love With You**

I was not the perfect girl. I, like everyone else, had my flaws. Considered by Rei as a crybaby, by Makoto as the world's worst chef, by Ami as the world's worst student, by…well, I think you get the point. And although I wasn't perfect, I tried to never make someone feel bad, and I think that's why I was made as such a klutzy, ditzy person. I always tried to be optimistic, even when things seemed they were at their worst, but there was one time, out of all the terrible things I had been through, where I thought I would give up.

That was when Mamoru left for college in America.

I had never felt that alone in my life. Really, I hadn't been alone then. All of my friends had been there, all of my fellow sailor soldiers, but without Mamoru, it wasn't the same. I had told him I would be strong while he was away, but right as he boarded the plane, I felt myself break apart.

Little had I known that day, that I had locked eyes with Seiya as I passed by him and the group of girls following him and his group. Little had I known that I would end up falling for the outgoing, slightly arrogant, lead singer of the Three Lights band.

And then I met Seiya one day after a fight with our new enemy. The black-haired, blue-eyed man teased me, just as Mamoru had when I first bumped into him. Seiya even called me by the nickname Mamo-chan had bestowed upon me the first day we had met; Odango-atama.

Of course I was furious. Only close friends and Mamoru could nickname me, but my heart felt different than the show I gave. I kind of liked how Seiya was so similar to Mamoru. They shared many characteristics already. Both had the most gorgeous blue eyes and ebony black hair. Each of them had a laid back personality, like they wanted to enjoy whatever life threw at them. They were alike, but completely different. Seiya got terrible grades; whereas Mamoru was extremely intelligent. Mamoru was usually a calm, caring, quiet, and slightly shy individual, but Seiya was loud, outgoing, slightly cocky, and funny. Because Seiya was like Mamoru, but altogether different, I think that was why I fell for his charm.

Seiya took me out on dates; we did things together. I usually acted like I wasn't having a good time. Once he even asked me if I had a boyfriend. I explained the situation, but Seiya tried to make himself be better by saying he never would have left me if he had been Mamoru. Another time, Seiya came to my house. I actually allowed him into my room. He was the first non-relative male to be in my house, let alone my room. After I returned from getting snacks for us I noticed that he had placed the picture of Mamoru and I so that it was facing down. This time I thought Seiya actually may have been trying to be nice, and not an arrogant jerk.

Even though I loved Mamoru to death, he was in America, and Seiya was so near…Seiya was an attractive guy and I didn't have Mamoru to remind myself that he still loved me. It would have been easier to resist Seiya if Mamo-chan had called me once in awhile or had sent me letters, but I had been left without the slightest idea as to what Mamoru was up to. I didn't know if he was too busy with his studies to call, or if he had found someone else that he loved and I was just a memory of the past. Never had the thought entered my mind that he could possibly be dead; that seemed almost unrealistic. I wasn't sure what to think any longer so I slowly, but slightly reluctantly, began to accept that I had fallen in love with Seiya. I had been in love with him since the first day I had met him, but I denied it for so long.

And then it happened.

After hearing news from my friends that they would be going to a special premier of the Three Lights' new movie, with the Three Lights, I sulkily made my way home angered that they hadn't (nor had Seiya) even tried to get me a ticket. And then, at home, in Chibi Chibi's little grubby paws was a letter for me. No addresses, names, just my name written on the front. I opened the letter, slightly disheartened that it wasn't from Mamoru, but my heart almost stopped beating when I read the letter inside. The enemy, Aluminum Siren had found out my identity, and she was going to be on the plane that the movie was being shown on. I was threatened that if I didn't come the plane would go down, which would mean goodbye to my friends, good bye to the Three Lights, and goodbye to Seiya.

There wasn't a chance that I would miss out on that flight. It was my job to protect them. The only problem was that I only had mere minutes to get to the plane, and somehow stop it before it took off.

I remember rushing to the airport, pushing past people, and screaming at the top of my lungs for the plane to stop, and I managed to get to the plane just in time, where the stewardess took me aboard the plane. I attempted to convince her that the trip wouldn't be good, but still, she didn't listen and she forced me into the front compartment of the plane where the Three Lights sat.

I swallowed hard as I saw Seiya, and he immediately rushed to my side, wondering what was wrong with me. I had been acting so crazy, and I still was. No one would listen to me though, and I thought that maybe Seiya would. Once again, I attempted to tell Seiya the flight was dangerous, but it was too late, and he pointed out the fact that the plane was already off the ground.

It was then that Aluminum Siren attacked, and my identity was revealed to Taiki…Yaten…and Seiya. Not only did I hold a secret, but so did they. The shock of my life as each of them transformed into Sailor Star Healer, Sailor Star Maker, and Sailor Star Fighter.

After that, things changed, and that was when things began to turn black and white for my and Seiya's relationship.

I had only recently truly accepted the fact that I was in love with Seiya. It had been such a short time, such a brief period of happiness, yet Yaten, Taiki, Haruka, and Michiru were there to make sure we couldn't end up together. Both groups of people were foolish, neither Kinmoku's sailor senshi wanting help from our system's senshi nor our out senshi wanting help from Kinmoku's senshi. The four opposite senshi were all stubborn, denying that we could help one another to beat Galaxia, and they wouldn't let the opposing team speak to the other team.

So, like usual, Haruka and Michiru stepped into the situation and told me not to see Seiya. Yaten and Taiki also made sure that both Seiya and I knew that we weren't to even spare a wink at each other.

Yet, none of this stopped us. Secretly, Seiya and I met, not often, but so that we could understand what was happening in each of our worlds. I wanted to help them, I wanted to help Seiya find his princess so that they could rebuild their world, but mostly I wanted to help him because I loved him. It was painful how much I loved him, and I think that because we were forbidden to see each other, it only made that pain worse.

We slowly got through the heartache though, and it wasn't long before things got slightly better. Seiya and I were able to talk at school briefly without being ripped out of each other's sight. The senshi were out on patrol, trying to protect me from every living thing possible, fearing that I would be attacked by the enemy for my star seed. Things seemed chaotic over everything. All I really wanted to do was be held in Seiya's arms. I wanted that comfort that I was sure I could find, but I couldn't have it no matter how much I wanted it. It finally just became to much, and I blew up on the girls, trying to flee from them, the school, the world…my entire life.

What a stupid decision I made.

The first person I came in contact with was Tin Nyanko. Things only got worse from there, because then a red rose flew towards Nyanko, scrapping her hand, and saving me as Tuxedo Mask always had. I looked for the person who had thrown the rose, my hopes rising that somehow Tuxedo Mask was here, and I thought that he really was. The silhouette I saw standing in the distance was shadowed by the sunlight that came from behind it. It was a figure with a long flowing cape, a stance just as Tuxedo Mask had, but then the figure stepped from the blinding sun behind it and revealed that it was Mamoru standing there, but Seiya, with his jacket held over his shoulder. It was then that I began to feel my heart shatter into fragments, already many times broken, and I feared that this time it wouldn't be put back together. Through out the rest of the battle, and until I finally returned from my sailor fuku, I could only feel myself fall into a deeper and deeper pit of pain and depression.

I knew that it hadn't been Seiya's fault. He hadn't meant to remind me of Mamoru. But the red rose, the dark, caped figure…it had all just been to much. When he leaned down to me as I sobbed on the ground, he spoke words that were so loving and kind that my heart broke into an unimaginable twisted and broken shape.

He wanted to be my everything. He wanted to be my Mamoru, but he knew as well as I did that things couldn't work out that way.

And so, it wasn't long before the Three Lights' decided on a final concert which would lead to our battle with Galaxia. The battle started with grief, because we lost one soldier in the first five minutes of battle. Kakyuu was killed mercilessly, and then the war really began. It continued, most of it going by as a painful blur. I watched as all of the people I loved died right before my very eyes. I found out that Galaxia had even killed Mamoru before he had even gotten into the United States.

I debated on killing myself, just to make the pain go away, but all three Starlights were there, and when Sailor Star Fighter - Seiya - looked up at me with hope in his eyes, I felt like I could do anything. Seiya gave me the hope and strength I needed when Mamoru couldn't supply me with it. I knew then that I had never stopped loving him, even if his friends despised me and he wasn't even a man. There was something about him that made me want him every single second.

Finally, I-we-made it through the battle with Galaxia. We healed her heart, and none of us ended up alone. The Starlights made a decision to stay on Earth, and I didn't even have to suffer the heartbreak of saying goodbye.

Things aren't the same as they had been though. Mamoru didn't go back to America, the Starlights stayed, and I had to stay with Mamoru. There wasn't a choice in that. Our destiny had already been decided.

Yes, I loved Mamoru with all my heart, but now I had a problem. I wasn't over Seiya. I still loved him, and although I talked to him almost every day during class, and I saw him on TV and in the newspaper, I couldn't think of him as just a friend. Every time I saw him I had the urge to hold him in my arms, and then I would feel guilty because I knew that I had Mamoru. The gods had given us a cursed fate, and it would be impossible for us to be together or I would lose the future; I would lose Chibi-Usa. It was even possible that I could lose the future kingdom of Neo Tokyo, and I couldn't let that happen.

Seiya and I are seniors in high school now, and I've been living with Mamoru after I informed my parents that we were engaged. Seiya looks as terrible as ever. His face is pale and shrunken in, as if he hadn't been eating normally. When I talk to him he stutters and looks as if he's about to cry. I've been worried about him for months now, and I've even tried to bring it up, but he only turns away and says everything is fine. I can't stop thinking that I'm possibly hurting Seiya just by being with Mamoru, and it's hard at night to sleep. So many thoughts run through my mind, and in the end I only think of my love for Seiya. Most of the time, Mamoru notices and I break down into tears. All I can tell him is that I'm worried about Seiya; I can't tell him that I love him.

I haven't been in the best of moods lately, and Mamoru decided to take me out on a dinner-movie-spend-the-day-with-him type of thing. It was very relaxing, just spending time with Mamoru, and it helped me to get my mind off of Seiya, even if it was just a little bit.

Then, I saw the man I had been thinking of for so long. Seiya was staring at a dried up leaf that laid on the ground. The breeze moved it slightly, but his dark eyes stayed fixated on the same spot. His dark black hair was disheveled on his head, his skin was extremely pale, and frankly, he looked like a bag of bones. Mamoru pushed me towards Seiya from behind, urging me to speak to him.

I neared Seiya, just looking at him made me smile even though he was in his distressed state. "Seiya-kun, you don't look very well. Are you feeling alright?" I asked, bringing up the subject once more. I placed my fingers on his forehead to see if he had a temperature, and I was shocked by how hot his skin was under my fingertips. I couldn't conceal the worry in my voice when I spoke again. "You seem to be running a slight fever. Do you have a cold?"

Suddenly, Seiya's eyes shot up to mine and he stared at me, tears forming in those beautiful deep blue eyes. "I-I don't think things have been well since I first met you," he said in a voice I'd never before heard. He fell into my awaiting arms and began to sob into my shirt. I could only wrap my arms around his shoulders comfortingly, and pray that I didn't break down myself. Here I was, holding the man I had fallen in love with in my arms, but I wasn't even happy. This wasn't the comfort I would have experienced a year earlier. I always thought of Seiya as a strong, never-let-you-see-me-cry type of guy. I always thought that I'd be the one crying in his arms.

I guess that's a bit selfish though.

"Usako, is everything alright?" Mamoru whispered to me.

Seiya began to pull away from me, only crying harder, so I held him tighter to myself. I wasn't going to let him get away. "Seyia, shhhh, right now, it's just me and you. Please, tell me what's going on," I softly cooed in Seiya's ear. I didn't really want him to answer my question; I was afraid that he would confirm my fear that Seiya loved me still and he wanted to be in Mamoru's place.

"Usagi, I don't think I can make another day without you," he whispered hoarsely. The pit of my stomach dropped and I felt guilt wash over me. I wished that I could tell Seiya what I felt for him, but Mamoru was standing right behind me. If only he wasn't, and I could finally press my lips against Seiya's.

Seiya's head fell onto my shoulder and his hand grabbed at the cloth on my shoulder. Then, suddenly, he lifted his head and pressed his lips against mine. A jolt of excitement went through my body. This was what I had been yearning for. I wanted this more than anything.

My nirvana was short-lasted though, and Seiya quickly left. He took off, running away from Mamoru and I, leaving me in a complete state of shock. I felt Mamoru's hand fall on my shoulder and I flinched, finally coming back to the real world. I turned to Mamoru, tears streaming down my face, but no noise coming from my mouth yet.

"What have I done, Mamoru?" I asked, falling into his chest, sobs wracking my body.

Mamoru's arms held me tight to him and he combed his hands though my hair comfortingly. He said nothing, but stayed silent.

Yes, the outburst had been a damper on our date, which we never finished, but it didn't even slightly compare to the news I received once we finally arrived home. I wasn't fully calmed down, but I could at least talk normally. Just as Mamoru entered into the house, the phone rang and I answered it slowly. Taiki was on the phone, and I heard someone in the background gasping loudly, as if they were sobbing. I was completely clueless and worried, and I only wanted Taiki to speak.

Finally, the long silence from our hellos was broken and Taiki announced the news to me.

I didn't even bother to say goodbye. I just dropped the phone to the ground. It hit the wood floor and then bounced back up on the thick off-white curly cord. I saw Mamoru pick up the phone to figure out what was going on, but I didn't stay any longer. I just ran out the door, my legs pounding against the concrete sidewalk as fast as they could.

I ran faster than I ever had before. My heart beating against my ribs, my breathing quick and heavy; my body wanted to fall over in a heap and rest, but I wanted otherwise. I needed to see if what Taiki had said was true. There was no way…it couldn't happen. And I wasn't going to believe it until I saw it. I wanted to see it with my own eyes.

It had began to rain as I ran towards Seiya's house. The ground was getting slick, and the rain was soaking through my clothing. My hair stuck to my face annoyingly, but I didn't even bother to move it away. My eyes were locked now on the door that stood wide open at Seiya's house. I could only think about getting into that house. Nothing else mattered.

It was only seconds before I sprinted inside of the house. I passed by Yaten who was holding onto Minako for support as they both cried in each others arms. Taiki stood, in a hallway talking on the phone, I guessed with Mamoru. To my right a white door was open, light splashing out into the rather dreary hall. My heart began to race in a different way, fear searing through my mind.

And I slowly began to walk towards the door, my uneven breathing was all I could hear.

"Usagi, you can't go in here!" Ami's voice screamed at me, my eyes suddenly seeing my blue-haired friend before me. She stood in the door way as a blockade, but all I could think of was getting to Seiya. I tried to push my friend aside, but she grabbed onto my shoulders forcefully, preventing me from moving. She was stronger than I had ever imagined, but I wasn't going to let her get in my way.

I lurched forward, hoping that she would release me, but four hands grabbed my arms and I could feel myself being pulled away. I began to scream cry, and try to wriggle out of their grasp, but all I did seemed to take my energy away from me.

Minako rushed from behind me and stood in front of me. She took my hands in her own and looked into my eyes. "Usagi-chan, please listen," she said, her voice calm. "We know that…that you still love Seiya, but-"

"Then let me see him! If you know, then just let me see him one last time," I cried hysterically, my body weakly falling to my knees. "Just one last time." I looked up to my friends who all held a great sympathy in their eyes, but I could tell that they weren't going to let me enter that room.

I dropped my head down in surrender. "Okay. I give up. You win." My shaking hands covered my eyes and I cried into them. I could feel my arms being released and I took my chance. I stood to my feet and dashed into the room where my Seiya was. They couldn't catch me, and I locked the door behind me.

Never before had I felt so alone and scared, but when I entered that room, and I saw Seiya's lifeless body lying on the floor, I couldn't help but scream.

There he was, my Seiya that had just been alive a few hours earlier. His ebony black hair was spread over his back and face; his wondrous eyes were shut. He looked completely peaceful. I fell to my knees beside him, my tears falling down my cheeks and onto his own pale face. I brushed my fingers against his lips, and shockingly found that they were cold. Of course they would be, but for some reason I was expecting for him to be alive still. I was expecting his body to be warm as it had been when he had kissed me earlier today.

Suddenly, my eyes spotted a white sheet of paper that stuck out from his fingers. I slowly inched my hands toward it and tugged on it lightly, removing the paper from his grasp. The paper was folded a few times and I opened it. At the top of the paper, in Seiya's chicken scratch writing was my name scribbled on the top. I began to read the note, my breath caught in my throat. Then I finished it, and read it again. And I read it again and again and again. By the time I finally finished I had read it over 20 times, the words were engraved in my mind and I couldn't help but keel over in a fit of tears.

"Seiya, I loved you! I loved you, Seiya…Why did you go away? Why didn't I just tell you?" I screamed, slamming my fists into the linoleum bathroom floor. My hand went once more to touch Seiya's face, but still it was cold as stone. "I wish…I wish that you'd come back to me, Seiya…This is all my fault, isn't it?"

I brushed my lips against Seiya's. He was dead, and here I was kissing him; love made you do crazy things I guess. Just as I returned to a sitting position, I watched as the door heaved in, and in came Taiki. Immediately, I jumped to my feet, and I rushed past Taiki. I just ran, and I had no clue where I was going or why I was running, but I just continued to run through the house until I found the front door. The tears that were streaming down my face began to mix with rain as I made my way outside. Then, suddenly, I just stopped. The rain was pouring down, the sun had set, and I could see the street in front of me, the street lights reflecting the water on the ground. And I had a malicious idea.

"Usagi, please, wait! We didn't mean to make you mad," Minako's voice rang from behind me.

I made no reply to her. Instead I stared at the two bright lights of the oncoming car. It was on the complete end of the street, but I still didn't have long to make my decision. I still had people that I loved. I had Mamoru, but how could I live knowing that I had lost the one I really loved? How could I live with Mamoru, knowing that he knew I had loved someone besides him?

Well, as I said earlier, love makes you do crazy things.

Right before the vehicle passed me I jumped out in front of it. Its tires screeched loudly as it attempted to stop, but it was too late. I felt the metal of the front of the car crash into my side and I pretty much broke into two pieces, my waist bending and ripping as my legs and feet were pushed under the weight of the car. For a split second I cursed myself for making this foolish decision. Now Chibi-Usa would never exist, now the unending peace would never come.

My mind swirled with emotion and I silently thought in my mind that this could end up better. I could give Seiya and I the chance to live together somewhere else. Maybe this time the gods would pour their mercy upon us and we would end up together.

I only thought my wistful thoughts for a second, because that was all I had to live. The car was still moving and finally it just crushed my chest, my neck, and my head.

Maybe things could be better. Maybe I wouldn't regret this choice of suicide. Maybe Seiya and I would meet, without the memory of all this pain we had to endure.

This could be the end of my life, but it could always be the beginning of something new. As Sailor Saturn said herself, "In the end comes hope and rebirth." And that's just what I needed.

_Hope and rebirth._

**A/N: Heh, so how was it. More crap I'd say, but go ahead and honestly tell me what you thought. I hope you enjoyed it, even if it was crap. XD Well, that's really it. I'm not making any more even if I'm asked to make another chapter. So, I'm sorry. This was never planned to go past the 1st chapter, although I could probably make it into a novel if I'd like.  
****Well, it's time for bed, I must be up early in the morning so I can go to the Golden Horseshoe ceremony for my state.  
Adieu,  
SMP 3**


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